A quick note:) I am geeking out today because I am a guest on my favorite podcast, Hello Monday. Hello Monday is (in my opinion) the ultimate career and leadership podcast for people who want to love their jobs. Listen to the episode here and then join us HERE (click for a reminder) on Wednesday to discuss it on LinkedIn "Office Hours!”
When my daughter still lived at home, we used to make her come upstairs every evening for some “mandatory family fun” time. It was getting easier for her to stay busy with her friends, technology, her job and homework and head straight to her room after dinner.
One evening she stomped up the stairs and plopped into the chair. “Ugh. Mom—tomorrow I have to stand up and give a five-minute talk in English class, and I'm so stressed out. I get nervous when I'm up there because everyone is staring at me. I hate this, and I don't want to do it! I hope she forgets to call on me tomorrow.”
I replied to her. “I know how nerve-wracking it feels to get up in front of people. I still get nervous even after all my years of training and speaking. What makes you most scared about tomorrow?” After giving it some thought, she said, “I just hate how they all sit there and stare at me. They're judging me, and it makes me nervous.” “
I replied. “Well then, what are you thinking when your classmates are up there giving their speeches, what are you doing and thinking about?”
She paused. A big smile grew on her face, and she giggled. “I'm not really thinking of them, Mom. I'm only sitting there thinking of myself, rehearsing my own speech in my head, or thinking about lunch.”
She instantly relaxed, and so did I. I've been a corporate trainer and now a public speaker for a total of fifteen years of my life. I still get nervous, and that part is normal.
But the freeing wisdom in my daughter's revelation that evening is also true—nobody is thinking of us as much as we think they are. They are only thinking of themselves. We are only thinking of ourselves and our own nerves, doubt, and imposter feelings.
My daughter helped me highlight something so important—we are all just busy thinking of our own issues and missing opportunities for connection and staying stuck in our own insecurities. What if this illustrates a quick way to get out of our heads, shift out of our doubts and imposter feelings and get into action to build connections with others? Keep reading for tips.
PUT THIS IDEA INTO ACTION
In my experience, I get in my head FAST when I owe a new project to a client, or I am speaking in front of a group, or need to take some big, brave action in general. I procrastinate with worries such as:
What should I say? How will that sound?
What's the right approach?
Is this any good?
What data do they want?
What if they think all this is silly?
How often do we stop and remember that these are real people we are talking to? Stopping and remembering that there are two people in this exchange and becoming intentional about the energy you want to create helps shift your focus from ruminating on your worries to cultivating a connection.
Ask these questions and try to name 2-3 words for each:
How do I want my audience to feel?
What energy do I want to create in the room I will be in?
How do I want them to feel during our conversation?
Did you notice your energy shift from you to them?
Try This Next: With a new focus on your audience, take a small step or share it with someone. Check out this brief video from Anxious Achiever author, Morra Aarons-Mele, as she puts this framework to use!
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