Are you stuck in an advancement trap?

“I'm just so mad at myself.”

One of my clients was really upset with herself this week. No, she didn't do or say anything wrong, nor did she have a project fail at work. She was upset because she had come to the realization that she'd stayed in her role long past it's usefulness and she was ready to move on .. and move on right now.

This wasn't the first time she felt this way. In fact, this cycle started a couple of years ago when she began to feel inklings that she was outgrowing her role. She talked with her leader about her feelings and goals, but unfortunately, she was working for a very small organization and she was at the top of her advancement potential. She looked outside the organization for opportunities, felt briefly excited, but imposter feelings crept in. 

She convinced herself that she “had just been lucky” in her current job and that if she went elsewhere, she'd be “found out” that she wasn't as talented as she thought. Worse, she'd get there and fail. So she didn't apply for other jobs that looked interesting to her. (Note: this can happen inside your organization as well.)

Have you ever been in a cycle like this?

1. Feeling overlooked for a promotion, denied a raise, or outgrowing your role.

2. You talk with your leader, mentor or colleague, and for awhile it gets better. You find ways to soothe the boredom.

3. The desire to leave/advance creeps in again. You start to wonder if you should apply for roles outside your team or org to help you grow.

4. You look at job posting boards and consider applying for new roles, but doubt and imposter feelings overtake. It feels too overwhelming.

5. You talk yourself out of applying for the new role, believing you aren't ready or qualified.

6. You numb your boredom and discomfort in your current job, explaining away that you should stay in your current role because it's secure, comfortable and you like your team (or other reasons).

7. Finally after many cycles of this, you become overwhelming dissatisfied in your job. So much so you are resentful and angry and will do anything to find a new job as quickly as possible. You realize that you have been qualified and ready all along and your should have changed roles much sooner. You no longer fear the uncertainty of a new role.

My clients often hear me say “We don't change until the discomfort of our current situation outweighs the fear of the unknown.” This is akin to old saying “we prefer the hell we know to the one we don't know.” This spiral of doubt is a trap that often keeps us staying in our roles for far too long and not fully advancing to our full potential. 

It's a common ADVANCEMENT TRAP.

THE ADVANCEMENT TRAP | KELLI THOMPSON

Have you ever been in this spot, staying far to long in a career, role or situation that you knew you should have left sooner? 

PUT THIS IDEA INTO ACTION

What did I work on with my client when she was being so hard on herself for not advancing her career sooner? We started with the most underrated way to boost your confidence - with compassion.

Change your self-criticism to compassion.

I will shout this from the rooftops until I die - you cannot criticize yourself into more confidence. It creates a downward spiral. Having compassion for yourself in the moment of anger and disappointment sets the groundwork for an upward spiral. 

• Compassion sounds like, “Of course you're upset. Your career is important to you and so is achieving your potential.” Or, “It's normal to be disappointed, it means your career is meaningful to you and you're ready to grow.”

Use your network.

Here's a secret. Many of my clients in senior roles find their next opportunity through networking, not job boards. Your closest connections can also be sources of advocacy and support for you as you consider your next role. 

• Using your network looks like reaching out to one trusted friend, colleague or mentor and being clear about your next career step desires and how they may be able to help you. It may look like asking for an introduction or endorsement.

Take one small, brave next step.

The hardest part about wanting a change RIGHT NOW is that it usually doesn't come as quickly as we hope. However, we often perceive what looks like large leaps in other people, but in reality they came from many small, brave steps (to which we just see the results!).

• What is one small step you can take today that will move you closer to the role you are meant to own next? Is it updating your resume, finally clicking “apply” on the job post or telling a mentor?

TRY THIS NEXT: Stop waiting until your dissatisfaction is too great before making your next leadership move. Ask yourself: What's a next step I've been avoiding because I want to avoid feeling discomfort and doubt? How can I take this step while also feeling doubt?

Kelli Thompson is a leadership & executive coach, award-winning speaker and author of Closing The Confidence Gap. She is on a mission to help women advance to the rooms where decisions are made. She offers executive coaching, leadership workshops and keynote speaking to lead with more clarity and confidence.